MARCH MADNESS ... TIME FOR BASKETBALL AND VASECTOMIES
We are now in the midst of March Madness, the annual NCAA Basketball Tournament when 68 college teams face off during a three-week period to determine the national champions.
Not much work gets done in America during the month of March. According to a recent study, distracted workers will cause their employers to lose $1.9 billion during the NCAA Basketball Tournament. That’s because it is estimated that about 30% of American employees study brackets, play in office pools, and watch the games at work.
But as it turns out, there may be another reason why so little work gets done during the month of March. It’s not only the month for NCAA Basketball, it is a big month for vasectomies!
So help me, we’re not making this up.
According to a recent article in USA Today, urologists across America are now offering vasectomy specials during March Madness. Some call it Vas Madness.
These urologists recommend that their patients take 3-4 days off to rest following a vasectomy, and market the fact that having the procedure is the perfect excuse to relax on the couch and watch the games during March Madness.
It’s been said that a vasectomy means never having to say you’re sorry. If you want some time off from work to enjoy watching the Kentucky Wildcats, the Duke Blue Devils or the Gonzaga Whatever-They-Ares, your urologist can give you a written excuse to stay home.
Of course, there are some down sides to March Vas Madness. First, while you can spend 3-4 days in recov- ery time propped on your couch in front of your TV set, you will probably have to use an ice pack for, shall we say, man-to-man coverage.
And second, if you would like to someday produce a basketball player of your very own, it’s probably not a good idea to have a urologist set up a pick with a medical moving screen.
And when the medical procedure is over, you are never going to make a three point shot again. Only free throws.
And so don’t sign up for a March vasectomy simply so you can watch basketball. Keep in mind you can only play this card once, and if any of your kids foul out in the future, you may not be able to go to the bench for a replacement.
If you do decide to have a March Madness vasectomy, be very careful when you are recovering on your couch watching your favorite team. Try not to get too excited when they make that winning buzzer-beater shot. You don’t want to be like the Georgia State coach who fell off the bench and ruptured his Achilles. You could end up with a much worse injury.