A Nation of Wusses: Why the Chinese are Winning a New Cold War

         Vince Lombardi is jumping off-side in his snow-covered grave.  And somewhere in China, the Super Bowl of Calculus is being played in the snow.   

          Last weekend, over half of America had a white Christmas.  There was snow on Christmas Eve even in the Sunbelt.  Chattanooga looked like Bedford Falls. 

          The Blizzard of 2010 dumped nearly 3 feet of snow on the northeast, stranded thousands of holiday travelers, and most significantly, led to the postponement of last Sunday night’s scheduled NFL football game in Philadelphia between the Eagles and the Minnesota Vikings.  This marked the first time since 1948 that an NFL Game was postponed because of weather. 

          Philadelphia Eagles fans are a hearty bunch.  Over the years they have braved the elements in the City of Brotherly Love to cheer on their Eagles in rain, storm, or dark of night. 

           The most famous game in the 77-year history of the franchise occurred on December 15, 1968 when over 54,000 fans packed old Franklin Field to watch their last-place Eagles play the Minnesota Vikings.  The game was played in a snow storm, and at half-time, there was a special treat for the fans.  Santa Claus, yes Santa Claus, jogged on to frozen Franklin Field between two columns of Eagles cheerleaders.  The Eagles fans responded by being naughty, rather than nice, as they pelted Kris Kringle with snowballs.  Unfortunately for Santa, the Eagles fans turned out to be pretty accurate passers, in sharp contrast to their starting quarterback, Norm Snead, who had 21 interceptions that year.  Maybe NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell remembered the 1968 game when he decided to postpone the Eagles – Vikings blizzard rematch Sunday night.  Or maybe Santa Claus had a ticket, and the Commissioner wanted to protect his blind side.

           In any event, the Philadelphia Eagles fans were outraged by the postponement, and no one was madder than their number 1 fan, Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell.

           You would have thought Governor Rendell was Rocky and NFL Commissioner Goodell was Apollo Creed.  The Governor blasted the Commissioner for his wimpy decision, pointing out that there were only 3 inches of snow on the field at the time of the postponement.

           But the Governor didn’t stop there.  He turned his attention on the entire snow-covered nation, stating that the postponement of the game threatened to turn America into a “Nation of Wusses.”  Warm wusses, yes, but wusses nevertheless.

          The Governor then compared football in America to football in China.  “If this was in China, do you think the Chinese would have called off the game?”  Rendell asked Philadelphia sports radio host Mike Missanelli.  “People would have been marching down to the stadium.  They would have walked, and they would have been doing calculus on their way down.”

         Granted, the Governor was engaging in a little Sarah Palin – style hyperbole.  Insofar as I know, there is no pro football in China.  The Shanghai Yellow Skins are not playing the Beijing Cowboys this coming Sunday in the Calculus Bowl at Upper Mongolia Stadium.

         But the Governor has a point.  We Americans just aren’t as tough as we used to be, either in football or mathematics, and consequently, we are at risk of losing a new Cold War with China.

        Can you image Pete Rozelle calling off the 1968 Ice Bowl between the Green Bay Packers and the Dallas Cowboys?  Had he tried to do so, Vince Lombardi, Tom Landry, Jerry Kramer and Leroy Jordan would have barged into the commissioner’s office and sacked him on the spot.

        I for one agree with Governor Rendell.  From where I sit (in my Lazy-Football Fan lounge chair in my warm den next to the fireplace), I believe all NFL games in late December should be played on frozen tundra, bearing a stark resemblance to the set of Dr. Zhivago.  Accordingly, I was thrilled when the snow-covered roof in the Minnesota Sissy-Dome collapsed a couple of weeks ago forcing Brett Favre and the Vikings to play outside in the cold like Fran Tarkenton or Johnny Unitas or other real men.

         I’m hoping the new manly Republican Congress will outlaw domed stadiums and require that all future Super Bowls be played in Fargo, North Dakota.

         Believe me, if all future super bowls are played in Fargo, there will be no more wardrobe malfunctions at half time.  When Janet Jackson performs at Super Bowl XLIX, even Justin Timberlake won’t be able to pull off her Eskimo parka.

         In fact, I hope that the upcoming half time show for Super Bowl XLIV will feature a combination snowball fight and calculus exam between Brett Favre and Yao Ming.