Facing the Truth: A Close Shave is No Longer on the Cutting Edge

           My two grown sons came home for Christmas last week, and forgive me for being so superficial, but the first thing I noticed about them is that they both needed a shave.             

           No, they haven’t grown beards or mustaches.  I would have no problem with that.  After all, when I was their age back in the ‘70s, I had a beautiful Fu Manchu.  (As they say, many men smoke, but Fu Manchu.)  I had grown my “stash” while in college in a futile attempt to look like Mark Spitz.  (All the co-eds at the University of Tennessee in the mid-1970s had a crush on Mark Spitz.)  Unfortunately, instead of looking like Mark Spitz, I looked like Sonny Bono.             

          Fortunately, when my sons came home for Christmas neither looked like Sonny Bono.  Unfortunately, they both bore a remarkable resemblance to the late Yasser Arafat.  That is to say, they both sported what I guessed to be a two to three day growth of stubble.  They looked like they could be catchers for a major league baseball team.           

          I assumed that before we headed for church for the Christmas Eve service, my sons would find razors, retire briefly to a bathroom, and then emerge clean shaven, ready to go worship the Baby Jesus.  I realize the Three Wise Men probably did not shave before they arrived at the manger, but Gillette wasn’t around 2000 years ago.           

          But when my sons climbed in the Daddymobile to go to church, they were still displaying their stubble.  I didn’t say anything.  After all, my sons are 26 and 23 respectively, and they are off my payroll, so I can’t exactly order them to shave.           

         On Christmas morning, I noticed that my sons were still stubble-faced.  And as we head to New Year’s Eve, my sons remain the Stubble Brothers, not to be confused with the comedy team in the 1960s.           

         And here’s the really strange part.  Their stubble does not seem to be developing into mustaches or beards.  It remains a constant two to three day growth. 

         It occurred to me that maybe they just needed new razor blades.  I wished I asked Santa to stuff some fresh Gillette Super Blues in their stockings.             

         But when I mentioned to my wife that her sons needed some new blades, she laughed, shook her head, and said condescendingly, “My dear, you just don’t get it, do you?”

         This is a question-comment she frequently makes to me these days.  She then patiently explained that stubble is now very fashionable for young men.

         “You mean they want to look that way?”  I asked incredulously.

         “Yes,” my wife replied. “And apparently young women these days are attracted to men with stubble.”

          “You’re kidding,” I responded.  “The next thing you’re gonna tell me is that acne is now in vogue.”

            My wife said that if I didn’t believe it, I should just spend a little time over the Christmas holidays watching young male celebrities on TV talk shows.  And so I did.  And yes, every young male star I saw on the boob tube had celebrity stubble.

            I suddenly realized that I am no longer on the cutting edge.   A close shave is now out of style.

            In fact, I even learned that America’s top electric razor companies, including Phillips Norelco and Conair, now offer “stubble trimmers,” electric razors that are guaranteed to give young men a not-so-close shave.  If I’d only known this a week ago, for Christmas I could have bought my sons Gillette Schick Braun Phillips Norelco Wilkinson Mach III Turbo Fusion Stubble Trimmers to make sure they do not get a good smooth shave. 

           Now that I’ve learned that stubble is cool, I asked my wife if I should cut back my shaving to just once or twice a week, and thereby develop a daddy stubble beard myself.  But once again, she started laughing.

          “My dear,” she said, “I’m afraid grey stubble is not fashionable these days.”