Father Knew Best: TV All-Time Greatest Dads

            This Sunday is Father’s Day, that special annual day when we honor dear old Dad by giving him either a bottle of Aqua Velva (there’s something about an Aqua Velva Daddy!) or a new tie.

            Note to my wife and kids:  Please don’t bring me either of these gifts.  I do not want a bottle of an aftershave that once had as its official slogan, “A man wants to smell like a man!

I always thought the purpose of cologne or aftershave was to make sure a man did not smell like a man.  A man smells like a man when he comes back from a fishing trip.  And as far as a new tie is concerned, just look in my closet.  I have ties dating back to the Carter administration.  I need a new tie like a moose needs a hat rack.

            What I really want is one of those new big screen 3-D TV sets.  I have heard they are so realistic that some viewers have actually been injured while watching an NFL game.

            But even if I get another bottle of manly fragrance and a tie to go along with the other 10,000 in my closet, I still enjoy Father’s Day.  I enjoy it because it is a day to honor the many fathers I have had in my life.  I was blessed to be raised by a wonderful Daddy, Reverend William H. Haltom, Sr.  I also grew up with many other great daddies who came to my home each night.  They were the TV dads who starred on sit-coms or westerns and showed us how important a Daddy is to raising a family, until Murphy Brown appeared in TV Land some 20 years ago and told us that Daddy wasn’t really necessary.

            And so, on the eve of Father’s Day 2010, let’s look back at the golden era of great TV daddies.  Here’s my Top 10 List of the Greatest TV Dads of All Time:

            10.       Ben Cartwright

From September of 1959 to May of 1967, Ben raised three sons – Adam, Hoss, and Little Joe – on the Ponderosa.  Each of his three sons was born to a different mom who later passed away.  Yes, poor Ben was a three-time widower.  I suspect that Hoss’ momma died during child birth.

            In raising his three sons, Ben did get some assistance.  It was from Hop Sing who did the cooking for the Cartwright family.  And believe me, cooking for Hoss alone was probably a 24-hour a day job.

            Fortunately for Hop Sing, the Ponderosa was located in Nevada.  Had it been in Arizona, he would have been deported.

            Played by Fred MacMurray, Steve Douglas was another single dad, the father of “My Three Sons,” Mike, Robbie, and Chip.

            Steve didn’t have Hop Sing to assist him.  But he did have Bub, who bore a remarkable resemblance to Fred Mertz from “I Love Lucy” (see below).

            8.         Dr. Cliff Huxtable

            Played by the wonderful Bill Cosby, Dr. Huxtable was the last of the great TV dads.  His wife Claire (played by the gorgeous Phylicia Rashād) was an attorney.  The Huxtables had five precocious children that were just as gregarious as their father.

            Of course, Bill Cosby was one of America’s best-known dads even before he played Dr. Huxtable.  Who can forget his routine about the birth of his first child?  (“Doc, put him back in!  He’s not done yet!”)

            7.         Rob Petrie

            The chief comedy writer for the “Alan Brady Show,” Rob lived in New Rochelle with his wife Laura and their son Richie.

            The show lasted six years, and it was amazing that Rob survived, given the fact that he started each show by violently tripping over the ottoman in the Petrie living room.

            Laura later left Rob, moved to Minneapolis, and went to work with Mr. Grant at WJM-TV.

            6.         Ozzie Nelson

            Father of David and Ricky, and husband of Harriet, Ozzie had the longest run of any dad in the history of television, as the Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet ran from 1952 to 1969.

            One of the big mysteries of the show was what exactly Ozzie did for a living.  He was always at home, puttering about in a cardigan golf sweater.  I have no idea what Ozzie Nelson did for a living, but I think the grand jury should have investigated him a long time ago.

            5.         Ricky Ricardo

            One of the biggest events in television history occurred on January 19, 1953.  That was the night Lucy gave birth to Little Ricky.  The show was watched by over 70% of all American television viewers.

            It was a wonder Little Ricky was ever conceived, as Ricky and Lucy had separate double beds.  When Lucy told Ricky she was expecting, he probably responded, “Lucy . . . you’ve got some splaining to do!”

            4.         Jim Anderson

            The title of the show said it all:  “Father Knows Best.”  And Jim Anderson did.  Played by Robert Young, Jim was the quintessential wise father to Kathy, Betty, and Bud, and devoted husband to Margaret.

            Unfortunately, in the late 1960s, Jim left Margaret, changed his name, went to medical school, and became . . . Dr. Marcus Welby.

            3.         Danny Williams

            Here again, the title of the show said it all:  “Make Room for Daddy.”  Played by the great Danny Thomas, Danny Williams was a night club entertainer at the Copa (even before Barry Manilow started singing about it) and a devoted father to his children, Rusty and Linda.  The show ran from 1953 to 1964.  In 1970, Danny made a brief comeback in a revival series called, fittingly, “Make Room for Granddaddy.”

            2.         Sheriff Andy Taylor.

            Yes, Opie’s dad!  Another single dad, but he was assisted by the wonderful Aunt Bee.

            Throughout the series there was some speculation that Andy would marry Helen Crump.  Fortunately for Opie, this never happened as she would have been one mean step-mom.  Thelma Lou would have been much nicer, but she was devoted to Barney.

            Interestingly, “The Andy Griffith Show” was a spin-off from “Make Room for Daddy,” as Andy first appeared on our screens when he arrested Danny Williams for running a Mayberry stop sign.

            Just as Jim Anderson re-invented himself and became Dr. Marcus Welby, Sheriff Andy eventually left Opie, Aunt Bee, Helen, Barney, Otis, and Ernest T. Bass, moved out of Mayberry and went to law school.  He re-emerged as Matlock.

            And finally, . . . (Drum roll, please!) . . . the Number One All-Time TV Dad . . .

            Ward Cleaver!

            Yes, Ward Cleaver, father of Wally and the Beav, and husband of June,

            As a father, I have tried to emulate the great Ward Cleaver.  For example, every night when I come home from the office, I continue to wear a business suit when I sit down to dinner with my wife and children.  I insist that my wife always wear a dress and pearls.  The creepy kid next door, Eddie, often drops by and says to my wife, “Gee, Mrs. Haltom, that’s a beautiful set of pearls you’re wearing!”

            So there you have it!  The Greatest TV Dads of All Time!  And no, I did not overlook Mike Brady, Al Bundy, or Homer Simpson.

            Happy Father’s Day to my Dad, all you daddies out there, and to . . . well, me!