Kiffin and Calipari: The Evil Twins of the NCAA

            I am convinced that University of Kentucky head basketball coach John Calipari and University of Tennessee . . . excuse me, I mean University of Southern California head football coach Lane Kiffin are evil twins who were separated at birth.  Along with Ed Orgeron, they may even be evil triplets.

John Calipari is the only basketball coach in NCAA history to take two teams to the Final Four only to have the NCAA later rule that he didn’t take those teams to the Final Four, their Final Four appearances being officially “vacated” for NCAA rules violations.

But violating NCAA rules is not what makes Coach Cal evil.  To paraphrase Romans 3:23, all NCAA basketball coaches have sinned and fallen short of the glory of the NCAA rulebook.  What makes Coach Cal evil is not that he violates NCAA rules, but that he gets away with it, even when his teams (or, more accurately, his former teams) don’t.  During his career as a college basketball coach, Cal has always managed to stay one step ahead of the NCAA posse, skipping out of town for a better job just when the university that has paid him millions of dollars to coach its basketball team is about to be punished for his transgressions.  Cal fled Amherst, Massachusetts many years ago to become head coach of the NBA’s New Jersey Nets shortly before his very recent employer, the University of Massachusetts, was put in the NCAA basketball jail for rules violations.

            Cal then found his way to my hometown of Memphis where as head basketball coach of the University of Memphis Tigers, he led the team to 39 victories in the 2007-2008 season.  However, after an NCAA investigation, these 39 wins became 39 losses.  But by the time that punishment had occurred, Cal had headed to Lexington to be the new basketball coach at the University of Kentucky.  If he follows true to form, he will soon lead Kentucky to a Final Four appearance, only he really won’t, since it will be vacated by the NCAA for rules violations, only Cal will be somewhere else by the time the University of Kentucky (not he) gets punished.

            Believe it or not, it gets worse.  When Cal fled River City earlier this year, he didn’t go alone.  He took the Nation’s Number One Recruiting Class with him, featuring three star players who had all signed to play basketball at the University of Memphis, only they didn’t.  The fine print of their scholarship papers contained an escape clause.  Their commitment (sic) to the University of Memphis would be null and void if Cal wasn’t coaching there.  In other words, if he skipped town, they could go with him.

            Cal’s current team at the University of Kentucky features these three outstanding players who previously signed to play basketball for the University of Memphis, only they didn’t, they just signed to play for Cal wherever he coached.

            The Kentucky basketball team currently has a record of 16-0, but with Cal, they could end up being actually 0-16.  Of course, that won’t happen until Cal has safely left Lexington for another job.

            A few months ago, I didn’t think there was anyone more evil in college sports than John Calipari.  But this week, I discovered the truth about his evil twin, Lane Kiffin.  Kiffin may actually be worse than Cal.  In fact, by comparison, Kiffin makes Cal look like Mother Teresa.

            Fourteen months ago, Lane Kiffin was introduced as the new head football coach at the University of Tennessee, an institution of higher education that features a 110,000 seat football stadium and a much smaller library.  (Full disclosure:  I am a proud graduate of the Class of 1975.  Bachelor of Conservative Arts in Football Appreciation.)

            In his 14 months as head coach of the Tennessee Volunteers, Kiff set an NCAA record for “secondary violations.”  I am not sure what a “secondary violation” is.  Maybe it’s like a University of Tennessee basketball player simply smoking dope, as opposed to smoking dope and speeding while carrying a handgun with an altered serial number.

            Recently, the NCAA launched an investigation of something called “Orange Pride,” which I thought was a brand of country sausage.  As it turns out, “Orange Pride” is a group of very attractive University of Tennessee co-eds who apparently have been assisting Coach Kiffin in trying to recruit outstanding high school football players.  I am not sure whether the “Orange Pride” co-eds were allegedly involved in secondary violations or something worse.  But I did see a picture of some of the “Orange Pride” co-eds posing with high school football players while wearing low-cut orange blouses.  (It was the co-eds wearing the blouses, not the players.)

            The NCAA has not completed its investigation of the “Orange Pride” co-eds.  But Lane Kiffin didn’t wait for the verdict.  Earlier this week, he pulled a Calipari, announcing that he was leaving the University of Tennessee to become the head football coach at Southern Cal, an institution of higher education that, perhaps coincidentally, is now also being investigated by the NCAA for cheating in football.  Last week, Southern Cal’s basketball program, coached by former Tennessee head coach Kevin O’Neill, was put in the NCAA jailhouse for cheating.  No word yet on the fate of the Southern Cal field hockey team or the debate team.

            Like Cal, when Kiffin left Tennessee, he took some folks with him.  First, he took the entire coaching staff, including the highly classy Ed Orgeron.  In fact, he took every assistant coach other than Kippy Brown, and he tried to take him.  However, in contrast to Coach Kiffin, Coach Brown has something called integrity, and he wouldn’t abandon the Big Orange ship.

            And now, it appears that Coach Kiffin may follow the Calipari playbook by attempting to take prize recruits with him as well.  According to published news reports, earlier this week his evil triplet Ed Orgeron called several recruits scheduled to enroll at the University of Tennessee this semester and told them not to go to class, no doubt so that they could join him with Coach Kiff at Southern Cal.

            Once upon a time in America, coaches were role models.  They taught us important lessons in life, lessons about sacrifice and hard work and commitment to a team rather than to yourself.  But big-time college coaches these days are about as selfless and team-spirited as a Wall Street banker.  Besides, while there may be no “I” in “team,” there is one in both “Kiffin” and “Calipari.”