No Shirt, No Shoes . . . No Babies!

Like all descendants of Adam and Eve, Kaylin Frederich entered this world naked.  Actually, she was wearing her birthday suit, but it did not come with shoes.

Kaylin is now just six months old, and while she does wear clothes, she generally goes barefoot.  She doesn’t really need shoes at this point in her life because she hasn’t even crawled, much less taken her first steps.  But last Sunday, little barefoot Kaylin almost got her mother, her grandmother, and an entire church youth group kicked out of a Burger King in suburban St. Louis.  Worse yet, she came very close to being arrested.

            You can’t say little Kaylin wasn’t warned.  There is a sign on the door of the Burger King at 10734 Sunset Hills Plaza in Sunset Hills, Missouri.  It clearly says, “Shoes and Shirt Required.”  There is no way little Kaylin could have missed it.  It was right in front of her as her grandmother opened the door and carried her into the Burger King.  Okay, so at six months, Kaylin can’t yet read, but is that really a defense?  Kaylin should have known she just can’t walk into a Burger King barefoot.  Actually, she can’t walk into a Burger King, or anywhere, even with shoes on, as she is not yet walking.  But again, enough of these pathetic excuses.

            The manager of the Burger King in Sunset Hills, Missouri, is a stickler for details.  He knows the health code provisions that apply to his hamburger restaurant, and he is going to make darn sure that the Sunset Hills Burger King is not shut down for any health code violations.  He alertly saw little Kaylin’s bare feet dangling over the Burger King counter.  Kaylin was being held by her grandmother who was trying to order hamburgers, fries, and drinks for herself and a church youth group that she and Kaylin’s momma were taking to a Christian concert.  According to published news reports, the manager told Kaylin’s grandmother, “You can order ‘to go,’ but you are going to have to leave if she (referring to Kaylin) doesn’t have shoes on.  It’s against health code.”

            It would have been nice if Kaylin had burped and thrown up on the manager right on the spot.  But that would no doubt have been another health code violation, which would have resulted in the manager immediately tossing Kaylin out into the parking lot.  But Kaylin is a very sweet barefoot little girl, so she just quietly remained snuggled up to her grandmother.

Kaylin’s mother tried to reason with the manager.  “I just looked at him and said, ‘That’s my daughter.  She doesn’t own shoes.  She’s only six months old.  She doesn’t walk.  She is not touching the ground, so there is no reason for her to have shoes on.’”

            But the manager was in no mood to placate little Kaylin and her momma.  You let one little barefoot baby into Burger King, and before you know it, the entire restaurant will soon be converted into the Burger King “Have it Your Way” nudist camp.

            When the negotiations failed, Mrs. Frederich found a pair of socks and put them on little Kaylin.  But the Burger King manager was like Sheriff Buford T. Justice in Smokey and the Bandit.  (“What we have here is a complete lack of respect for the law!”)  You see, the sign clearly said, “Shoes and Shirts Required.”  No exception for socks.  And so, Manager Buford T. Burger King Justice actually threatened to call the police.

            Fortunately, Kaylin was not arrested.  She and her momma and grandmother and the 25 kids from the church youth group got their hamburgers and left.  Had they been taken into custody, President Obama might have had to dispatch Bill Clinton to the Sunset Hills jail to secure their release.

            I hope this little experience was a lesson for young Kaylin.  She needs to know that she can’t just spend the rest of her life prancing around in her bare tootsie toes.

            After all, as I taught my little barefoot girl when she was Kaylin’s age:

                     This little piggy went to market.

                     This little piggy stayed home.

                     And when this little piggy goes naked into Burger King,

                     She may go, “Wee, wee, wee . . . all the way to jail!”