Time to Start Building An Ark?

            One of my favorite stories is about the man who as a small child survived the Johnstown flood.  Understandably, it was an incredible experience that the man never got over.  He spent the rest of his life writing about it, teaching about it, and regaling anyone who would listen as he gave his first-hand account of one of the greatest floods in American history.  He even achieved some level of fame as he traveled around the country lecturing on the subject.

            After a good, long dry life, he finally passed away and arrived at the pearly gates.  There he was greeted by St. Peter, who welcomed him to Heaven and said, “If there is anything we can do here to make your eternal stay more enjoyable, please let us know.”

            Without hesitation, the man said, “Well, as you may know, when I was a child I survived the Johnstown flood.”

            “Yes,” St. Peter replied quickly.  “We know all about it.  We keep very good records up here.”

            “And during my life on earth,” the man continued, “I lectured to thousands of people across the country and told my story of surviving the flood.  Everywhere I went and every time I spoke, I got a great reception.  Maybe I could share my story with the folks here in Heaven.”

            “That’s a great idea,” replied Pete.  “As a matter of fact, it just so happens that we have our weekly heavenly lecture scheduled for tomorrow night, and we are looking for a speaker.  Could you talk about the Johnstown flood then?”

            “I’d be delighted to,” replied the man.

            On the following evening, literally thousands of souls gathered in the heavenly auditorium.  St. Peter and the man walked out on the stage to a very warm reception.  The man took a seat behind the heavenly podium, as Peter prepared to introduce him.  But just before stepping up to the podium, Peter turned to the man and said, “Before we start, I’d better tell you something.  Do you see that man with the long white beard sitting on the front roll?”

            “Yes,” replied the man.

            “Well,” said Peter, “that’s Noah.”

            There are an awful lot of us Southerners who over the last several days have survived the Great Flood of 2009.  And frankly, I don’t think any of us should be the least bit intimidated if someday we are asked to give a heavenly lecture in front of Noah.

            Noah survived his flood by building an ark and stocking it with a zoo.  After a 40 day cruise, Noah and his menagerie docked at Mt. Ararat, and God rewarded them with a rainbow and a promise that He wouldn’t flood them again.

            Over the last few days, as the rain has continued unabated, I have started to wonder if God’s promise was kind of like the promise that Bill Clinton made to the voters of Arkansas in 1990 when he ran for re-election as Governor.  He promised that under no circumstances would he run for President of the United States in 1992.  A few months after his re-election as Governor, he went on a “listening tour” of Arkansas, and claimed that the voters told him that they really wanted him to “re-consider” his promise and run for President of the United States after all.  This may actually have been true.  It wouldn’t surprise me if his fellow Arkansans weren’t simply trying to get him and Hillary out of Arkansas.

            Well, as angry as a lot of religious folks are these days, one has to wonder whether God has gone on a “listening tour” and has been convinced that His followers really want one more flood.

            And besides, even if God promised Noah that he would never flood the entire world again, He didn’t say he wouldn’t flood Georgia.

            While I am pretty much high and dry on the Memphis bluff, I have a lot of family and friends who live in the Peach State.  These poor folks must feel like they have been cast in the motion picture, Titanic II.

            It’s a good thing the upcoming Tennessee-Georgia football game will be played in Knoxville this year.  If they played it in Athens, it would probably resemble a water polo match.

            Well, just to be on the safe side, I think we should all just start building another ark.  I’ll call the Memphis Zoo and see if I can line up two pandas, two giraffes, two orangutans . . .  Well, you know the list.  In 40 days, we will land on top of Lookout Mountain.  And maybe we’ll see a rainbow over Rock City.

            Anybody got a dove?